6.15 Small talk — what Germans do and do not ask — Epoché
What you will be able to do Start and keep up a short conversation with a colleague or an acquaintance. Ask and answer the safe questions: where someone is from, how long they have lived here, what they do, what they do in their free time. React naturally: Ach so! Echt? Wirklich? Nicht schlecht. Know which questions Germans do not ask strangers, and what to say if someone asks one. Sentences from this lesson, before the explanation. Read the German aloud; all of them come back below. German English Wieso kannst du mich nicht einfach in Ruhe lassen? [1] Why can't you just leave me alone? Wieso wollen Sie heute abfahren? [2] Why do you want to leave today? Ihrer ist auch nicht schlecht. [3] Yours is not bad, either. Die hier sind nicht echt. [4] These aren't real. Ist dieser Ball deiner oder ihrer? [5] Is this ball yours or hers? Ich weiß echt nicht, warum ich so müde bin. [6] I really don't know why I'm so tired. Ich wohne schon seit drei Jahren hier. [7] I have been living here for three years. Prerequisites : 6.14 — you need the work vocabulary from 5.8 Vocabulary , seit with the present from 4.5 Cases , and the particles from 2.21 Grammar . Who is speaking to whom Colleagues at a work event who do not yet know each other well, and later two friends. Exchanges one, two and four use Sie ; exchange three, between friends, uses du , and exchange five is the switch from Sie to du . Many German workplaces now use du among colleagues, but at the first meeting with someone from another department or another company, Sie is still the safe choice. The switch to du is offered, usually by the older or more senior person, with a sentence like Du kannst mich duzen , you can say du to me . What small talk is for in German It is shorter. English-speaking cultures, especially in North America, use small talk to make strangers feel at ease, and it can last a long time. Germans tend to keep it brief and to move to a real topic sooner. Silence in a lift or a waiting room is not awkward, and a stranger who starts a long friendly chat may seem odd rather than polite. Questions are meant literally. Wie geht es Ihnen? is a real question in German, not a greeting. Between people who barely know each other it is often not asked at all; when it is asked, the other person may give a real answer, including bad news. The safe reply is short and positive, Danke, gut , followed by the same question back. Safe topics. Where someone comes from, how long they have lived in the town, their work in general terms, travel, holidays, the weather, sport, food. Questions about free time are especially common, because Germans keep work and private life apart and enjoy talking about the private side. Topics to avoid with strangers. Salary and money, which are very private in Germany; age, weight and health; religion; and politics until you know the person well. The Second World War and the Nazi period are not taboo, but they are serious subjects, not material for jokes or casual remarks. If someone asks you something you do not want to answer, a polite counter-question is the German way to deflect it, as exchange four shows. Exchange one — how are you? Wie geht es Ihnen? [8] How are you? Danke, gut. Und Ihnen? [9] Fine, thank you. And you? Mir geht's gut, danke! [10] I'm fine, thank you! Schönes Wetter, oder? [11] Beautiful weather, isn't it? The tag oder? at the end of a statement works like English isn't it? : it invites agreement and keeps the conversation going. Exchange two — getting to know someone Woher sind Sie? [12] Where are you from? Wie lange wohnen Sie schon hier? [13] How long have you lived here? Was machen Sie beruflich? [14] What do you do for a living? Was machen Sie in Ihrer Freizeit? [15] What do you do in your spare time? Echt? Das ist ja interessant! [16] Really? That's so interesting. Wie lange wohnen Sie schon hier? uses the present with schon , where English uses the present perfect: how long have you lived here? Your answer follows the same pattern, with seit : three years is seit drei Jahren . Exchange three — between friends Wie war dein Wochenende? [17] How was your weekend? Nicht schlecht. [18] Not bad. Was machst du in deiner Freizeit? [19] What do you do in your spare time? Ich lerne Japanisch. [20] I am studying Japanese. Wirklich? Wieso? [21] Really? Why? Ich möchte nach Japan reisen. [22] I want to go to Japan. Ach so! [23] Ah, okay! Short reactions keep a conversation alive: Ach so! shows that you have understood something new, Echt? and Wirklich? show surprise, and Nicht schlecht , understatement typical of German, means something closer to pretty good . Exchange four — a question too far Wie viel verdienen Sie? [24] How much are you making? Warum wollen Sie das wissen? [25] Why do you want to know that? Asking a stranger's salary is one of the few things that reliably cause offence in a German conversation. A calm counter-question is enough to close the subject; there is no need to answer. Exchange five — from Sie to du After a conversation like the one in exchange two, the older or more senior person may offer to switch to du . The offer is a small ceremony: once made, it is not taken back, and from then on both people use first names. You can accept simply by using du in your next sentence. Never make the offer yourself to someone clearly older or senior; wait for it. Du kannst mich duzen. [26] You can call me by my first name. Wollen wir uns heute treffen? [27] How about meeting today? Mr Brown takes up the offer at once and moves on to a plan. His sentence uses the wir form, which is the same under du and Sie , so the switch itself will show in the next sentence he addresses to her. Among younger people the switch is often skipped altogether: students, people in creative jobs and many start-ups use du from the first moment. Word list Word (article, plural) Meaning Notes beruflich de professional; for work Gender / part of speech adjective, adverb How English differs Was machst du berufli