6.17 Small talk — what the French do and do not ask — Epoché
What you will be able to do Make conversation with someone you have just met: where they are from, where they live, what they do. Choose safe topics, from the weather to holidays to the city you are in. Recognise the questions that French people consider private, above all about money and religion, and avoid asking them. Respond if you are asked something too personal, and apologise if you were the one who asked. Sentences from this lesson, before the explanation. Read the French aloud; all of them come back below. French English Je suis désolé, c'est une soirée privée. [1] I'm sorry, this is a private party. Combien de temps êtes-vous resté à la soirée ? [2] How long did you stay at the party? Je suis ravie de vous rencontrer. [3] I'm delighted to meet you. Je suis enchantée de faire votre connaissance. [4] I'm very pleased to make your acquaintance. Je suis ravie que vous ayez mis cela sur la table. [5] I'm glad you brought that up. Combien gagnez-vous par semaine ? [6] How much do you earn per week? Que savez-vous de cette religion ? [7] What do you know about this religion? Je ne suis aucune religion. [8] I don't follow any religion. Prerequisites : 6.16 — this lesson follows 6.16 Conversation . It extends the introductions of 6.2 Conversation and the rules of tu and vous from 6.1 Conversation and 11.2 Background . Small talk, the conversation of people who have just met, follows different rules in different countries. In the United States it is normal to ask a new acquaintance what they do and how it is going, and to talk about money without embarrassment. In France, the first question about work is acceptable, but questions about salary, the price of someone's house, their religion or how they vote are considered intrusive. On the other hand, the French will happily discuss food, holidays, films and, with people they know a little better, politics in general. This lesson gives the conversation, and the boundaries. Who is speaking to whom With a stranger, start with vous , whatever their age, unless you are both young and in an informal setting, such as a student party, where tu is immediate. At a dinner among friends of friends, people in their twenties and thirties often switch to tu within minutes; older people may keep vous all evening. The safest approach is to let the other person choose, and follow. If you are not sure, the questions below work in both forms. What the French ask, and what they do not Safe topics. The weather, the place you are in, food and restaurants, holidays, films and books, work in general terms, where you come from and why you are in France. These are the subjects of a first conversation. Private topics. How much someone earns, how much they paid for their flat, how old they are, whether they are married, what their religion is, and how they vote. Asking a French person any of these early in an acquaintance sounds intrusive, indiscret , and may get the answer ça ne vous regarde pas , that's none of your business . The question about work. Que faites-vous dans la vie ? , what do you do? , is acceptable, but French people tend to ask it later in a conversation than Americans do, and they answer it more briefly. It is a question about the job, not an invitation to talk about success. La laïcité . France has a strong tradition of keeping religion out of public life, which you will read about in 7.16 Reading . Asking about someone's religion is felt as particularly personal. Exchange one — meeting someone Je suis ravie de vous rencontrer. [3] I'm delighted to meet you. Enchanté de vous connaître. [9] Nice to meet you. D'où venez-vous ? [10] Where are you guys from? Vous habitez où ? [11] Where are you living? Que faites-vous dans la vie ? [12] What do you do for a living? Ravie de vous rencontrer and enchanté de vous connaître are the formal greetings of a first meeting. Emma, a woman, says ravie ; Paul says enchanté , which a woman writes enchantée , and a man says ravi . D'où venez-vous ? is a natural first question to a foreigner; said to one person, it is simply where are you from? , without the guys of the corpus translation. The question about work comes later, from Paul, and uses the idiom dans la vie : literally what do you do in life? Exchange two — safe ground Quel beau temps ! [13] What divine weather! J'aime beaucoup cette ville. [14] I like this city very much. Es-tu en vacances ? [15] Are you on vacation? Je suis en vacances. [16] I'm on vacation. The weather, the city, the holidays: three safe subjects in four lines. Paul has moved to tu by the third line, a sign that the conversation is going well; Emma's answer does not need a pronoun of address, so she can follow either way. Quel beau temps ! is the exclamation with quel that you met in 6.15 Conversation . Exchange three — a question too far Combien gagnez-vous ? [17] How much do you make? C'est un peu indiscret comme question. [18] That's a bit of an indiscreet question. Je ne voulais pas être indiscret. [19] I didn't mean to be nosy. As-tu de la religion ? [20] Are you religious? Cela ne vous regarde pas. [21] That's none of your business. Two of the forbidden questions, salary and religion, and two ways of refusing them. Paul's answer is mild and polite: c'est un peu indiscret comme question . Emma's is blunt: cela ne vous regarde pas . The guest who asked the first question apologises correctly with the imperfect of intention, je ne voulais pas être indiscret , like je ne voulais pas te vexer in 6.16 Conversation . The corpus lines are separate sentences, so the answer is in vous although the question was in tu ; between people who say tu , it would be ça ne te regarde pas . The everyday form of the religion question is tu es croyant ? Exchange four — taking leave À ce week-end. [22] See you at the weekend. Bonne soirée. [23] Have a nice evening. Bon week-end ! [24] Have a nice weekend. French leave-takings are often wishes: bonne soirée , bonne journée , bon week-end , each matched to