The Etiquette of To-day — Edith B. Ordway
Ordway. You may copy it, give it away or re-use it under the terms of the Project Gutenberg License included with this eBook or online at www.gutenberg.org . If you are not located in the United States, you will have to check the laws of the country where you are located before using this eBook. Title : The Etiquette of To-day Author : Edith B. Ordway Release date : August 27, 2007 [eBook #22417] Language : English Other information and formats : www.gutenberg.org/ebooks/22417 Credits : Produced by Suzanne Lybarger and Emmy *** START OF Ordway The Handbook of Conundrums 12mo, cloth $1.25 net The Handbook of Quotations 12mo, cloth $1.25 net The Etiquette of To-day 12mo, cloth $1.25 net Handbook of the Operas New and Enlarged Edition 12mo, cloth $1.50 net Full paste, grain leather $3.00 net Synonyms and Antonyms 12mo, cloth $1.50 net George Sully & Company NEW YORK THE ETIQUETTE OF TO-DAY Revised and Enlarged BY EDITH B. ORDWAY Author of "The Opera Book," etc. NEW YORK GEORGE SULLY AND COMPANY Copyright, 1918 By Sully and Kleinteich Revised Edition, Copyright, 1920 By George Sully and Company All rights reserved PRINTED IN U. S. A. PREFACE The customs of social life need frequent restating and adaptation to new needs. They are customs because they are the best rules of conduct that have been garnered from the experiences of succeeding generations under common conditions. To know them, to catch their spirit, and to follow them in an intelligent way, without slavish punctiliousness but with careful observance, make one skillful in the art of social intercourse, and at home in any society. Etiquette will not take the place of character, nor of an accurate knowledge of human nature and the arts of practical life. Given these, however, it will unlock to any man or woman doors of success and profit and real happiness which, without it, would have remained forever closed. E. B. O. "We feel 'at home' wherever we know how to conduct ourselves." T. L. Nichols CONTENTS CHAPTER PAGE I. The Rewards of Etiquette 1 II. Personality 6 III. Family Etiquette 20 Obligations of the Married 20 General Rules of Conduct 26 Table Etiquette 33 Anniversaries 40 The Giving of Presents 41 Intimate Friends 42 Illness in the Home 44 Courtesy to Servants 45 IV. Conversation and Correspondence 48 The Art of Conversation 48 Correspondence 52 Paper 55 Ink 58 Handwriting 58 Sealing, Stamping, and Directing of Envelopes 59 Salutation, Conclusion, and Signature of Letters 66 Letters of Introduction 70 Letters of Recommendation 73 Third- person Letters 74 Informal Invitations and Announcements 74 Letters of Condolence 75 Answering Letters 76 V. Casual Meetings and Calls 78 Greetings and Recognitions 78 Introductions 84 Calls 90 Social Calls of Men 92 First Calls 94 VI. The Personal Card and the Engraved Invitation 96 Form of Card 96 Inscription 97 Titles 100 Use 102 The Engraved Invitation 105 Dining and Party Invitations 108 Wedding Invitations and Announcements 114 Various Announcement Cards 119 VII. Behavior in Public 122 VIII. The Art of Being a Guest 137 IX. Duties of Host and Hostess 145 Breakfasts and Luncheons 148 The Formal Dinner 149 Visits 158 Special Duties of the Country Hostess 161 Public Functions 165 X. Duties of the Chaperon 169 XI. Etiquette of the Marriage Engagement 174 The Proposal 174 Announcement of Engagement 179 Bridal "Showers" 181 The Broken Engagement 183 Preparation for a Wedding 185 XII. The Conduct of a Wedding 194 The Church Wedding 194 The Home Wedding 201 The Wedding Breakfast 204 The Wedding Journey 208 The Wedding Fee 208 Wedding Presents 210 The Country Wedding 212 XIII. Etiquette for Children 214 XIV. Etiquette of Mourning 224 XV. Military, Naval, and Flag Etiquette 231 The Formal Military Wedding 231 Naval and Yachting Usage 232 Etiquette of the Flag 233 INDEX 237 " The secret of success in society is a certain heartiness and sympathy. A man who is not happy in the company cannot find any word in his memory that will fit the occasion. All his information is a little impertinent. A man who is happy there finds in every turn of the conversation equally lucky occasions for the introduction of that which he has to say. The favorites of society, and what it calls whole souls , are able men, and of more spirit than wit, who have no uncomfortable egoism, but who exactly fill the hour and the company, contented and contenting, at a marriage or a funeral, a ball or a jury, a water party or a shooting match." Emerson. THE ETIQUETTE OF TO-DAY CHAPTER I THE REWARDS OF ETIQUETTE Society is a game which all men play. "Etiquette" is the name given the rules of the game. If you play it well, you win. If you play it ill, you lose. The prize is a certain sort of happiness without which no human being is ever quite satisfied. Because the demand for social happiness is thus fundamental in human nature, the game has to be played quite seriously. If played seriously, it is perforce successful, even when the outward signs of triumph are lacking. Played seriously, it becomes a worthy part of the great enterprise of noble living, the science of which is called "Ethics." Therefore the best etiquette is that which is based upon the fundamental principles of ethics. The etiquette, as well as the ethics, of to-day may well be summed up in the one maxim known as the "Golden Rule": "Do unto others as you would that others should do unto you." Or in the philosophic statement of it, given by Kant: "Act so that the maxim of thy conduct shall be fit to be universal law." A certain social sense is, therefore, the foundation upon which all concerted action rests; and this, permeating the character and winning conformity in the life, produces a social order which is at once the criterion of civilization and the source of its power. Every social code presupposes the trained personality, that is, the individual who is intelligent enough and controlled enough to conform to the rules prescribed for the good of all. It is only in t