Money Given at a Japanese Funeral Is Half Returned — Epoche A2
At a Japanese funeral, guests bring money in a special envelope. This is called koden. The family does not simply keep it: weeks later, a gift comes back. Here are the questions people ask. What does the envelope look like? It is white, tied with a black-and-white cord, and it is sold in any stationery shop or convenience store. The cord is tied in a knot that cannot easily be pulled open — a knot for something you do not want to happen again. What do I write on it? Your full name goes on the front, and your name, address and the amount go on the back or on the paper inside. The family needs all of this, because they will write to you later. How much? It depends on how close you were. Ask a colleague or a relative; nobody thinks the question is rude. What comes back? A few weeks after the funeral, the family sends a gift with a note of thanks. It is usually worth about half of what was given — often tea, sweets or towels. This return gift is called koden-gaeshi. So the envelope is not a donation that disappears. It is one half of an exchange, and the family closes it when they are able.